Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look out your little window and think, Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in THAT.''Quote, saying ... Read more

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep ... Read more

My new millionaire idea is one regular shoe and one 'swollen' shoe, for when you get bit by a rattlesnake.Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep ... Read more

Of all the warning sounds that animals make, I think the one that's the least effective on me is a kind of clicking noise.Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep ... Read more

Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger. He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone about the treasure. I said, 'Okay, as long as it's not a long story. Some of us ... Read more

One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know, and I thought that ... Read more

One thing about my Aunt Nadie She was gruff on the outside, but if you ever needed something, like a spanking or a scolding, she'd give it to you.Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep ... Read more

One thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse.Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep ... Read more

One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with a wooden stake.Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep ... Read more

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and ... Read more