Marta says the interesting thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Marta. Grow up.Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep ... Read more

Marta said I don't seem to like to read fiction very much. 'I guess you're not an afictionado',' she said. Poor Marta. For all her reading, she doesn't even know the right word.Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey ... Read more

Marta likes to talk about sensuality, but I don't think she would know sensuality if it bit her on the ass.Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep ... Read more

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself. Mankind. Basically, it's made up of two separate words---'mank' and 'ind'. What do these words mean It's a mystery, and that's why so is ... Read more

Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look out your little window and think, Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in THAT.''Quote, saying ... Read more

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep ... Read more

My new millionaire idea is one regular shoe and one 'swollen' shoe, for when you get bit by a rattlesnake.Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep ... Read more

Of all the warning sounds that animals make, I think the one that's the least effective on me is a kind of clicking noise.Quote, saying and phrase by: Jack Handey Deep ... Read more

Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger. He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone about the treasure. I said, 'Okay, as long as it's not a long story. Some of us ... Read more

One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know, and I thought that ... Read more